grace and forgiveness...

to all human beings that i know and don't know, to those close to me and not so close to me, to politicians i don't agree with, to people who love things that i hate and hate things that i love;

to killers, rapists, pedophiles, sexual deviants, criminals, everyone i perceive as bad and unlikable and unredeemable, everyone who has hurt me in any way big or small, everyone who thwarts my peace in all shapes and sizes from international to interpersonal to internal;

to myself...

isn't this old news by now? isn't this a settled issue? hasn't this been thoughtfully and tearfully addressed a few million times past?

it seems my grace windshield has somehow been polluted with...pollution. spirit-shaking, faith-quaking psychic pollution. and my wiper blades have failed to keep it away.

but wait a minute, it's rained this year so steadily with love and blessing, growth and healing; wasn't that more than enough to keep the screen clean?

apparently not. have you seen that movie "magnolia" with tom cruise as a sociopathic shyster? it says we may be through with the past, but the past isn't through with us.

maybe all of us are sociopathic shysters in a way. the more i realize this, the more i am able to extend grace and forgiveness. however, the giving and/or receiving of such grace and forgiveness doesn't magically make everything a-o-k. i am still learning this, and i rank myself at about the kindergarten level; no more a baby, capable of structure and discipline; yet far, far away from anything resembling a cap and gown.

i think God has a way of sending miracles for the sake of past mistakes. it isn't about turning back and dwelling in old dysfunctional places. it is about bringing things into the present and future, with the resource of your new miracles to pour some power, freedom, and hope into various painful situations, previously viewed as too hard to see, and more to the point, too hard to feel.

love your neighbor as you love yourself, which implies that loving yourself in healthy, healing, holy ways must precede loving others. grace is the same--it needs to go to myself first. i thought i understood this; after all, i have book after book on the subject.

welcome to kindergarten, little devoted one. keep moving forward, keep chipping away at the masterpiece of grace and forgiveness that is you, keep worshipping your way through the thunder and lightning of every painstorm that bunks up the windshield. and by all means, upgrade your psychic wiper blades!