weighing too heavy on this midlife head
is the sick torment of yesterday's dread
so, as many a companion has said,
just change your feelings and choose joy instead

i have news for the pollyanna clan
there is a more truthful, more peaceful plan
of unrealistic pulp, i am no fan,
instead i strive to thrive the best i can

i have more news for you trite pharisees
an honest struggle brings more holy ease
than some fantastic fanatic disease
to exaggerate, and placate, and please

weight gradually is lifted off this head
as grace and gratitude are steadily fed
to this shaggy sinner who forges ahead
basking in true worship before i'm dead
and even more basking after i'm dead

greetings from agony/ecstacy central! for this entry, i would like to share a glimpse of what came from a recent meltdown moment where my husband literally took his shirt off so i could wipe my teary eyes and snotty nose. in case you had any doubt, ecstacy is decisively winning the war in this new era. agony wins battles from time to time, but as i make the daily, hourly choice to "faith forward", i thrive even in tears. i thrive even in ugly snot. i thrive even in stabs and jabs of petty pity. i repeat, ecstacy is winning, and pulling away farther and farther in the lead from all the self-sabotage horses in my race. and as always, i have The Amazing Grace Giver to thank for making this victory perpetually possible. here, my friends, is your eyewitness account:


i suddenly feel about three years old
in the arms of the man who perceives my soul's gold
and preserves clarity of my deepest core
as this weary-eyed woman finds heaven once more

the demons of yesteryear viciously tried
to break my psychic door down and come inside
and eat away boundaries of health, truth, and joy
all balance to jack up, all peace to destroy

though manic-depressive i could easily be
the looney-tune option just isn't for me
cuz somewhere within i know a line's been crossed
and now i am found after i once was lost

new level, new devil, new progress, new pain
surrender the rain and the rein and the reign
a quote from stevie's soulmate is apropos
indeed, my soulshine mate speaks warmth to my woe

so when my frail inner sanctum gets this cold
i suddenly feel about three years old
but there is a man who perceives my soul's gold
and his is the hand i shall forever hold