from the MANIFEST MYSTERY 37 poetic anthology aka non-linear autobiography:

homage to emily d...because i could not stop for life/it kindly stopped for me/grand design of universe's/warped generosity/whilst on and on i ventured forth/fault destined to repeat/bitter interruption reveal'd/the detriment of sweet...no rant and rave today folks - just a little verse to make you think/feel - shake yourself up with these words and see what floats to the top - have fun my friends

oh world, what do i want you to know this chilly day? that you're small, that each of us is small, that each of our lives and concerns is small, and to know that deeply is to have a much more accurate, peaceful, effective perspective on things. is everyone as consumed with themselves as i am? self-absorbed full of me-me-me-me in the midst of this beautiful chaordic world. chaordic equals chaos plus order in case you were wondering. i think everyone should have a globe in their house. somebody please send me a globe of my very own! it's a wonderful reminder of how small we all are, and it gives incredible perspective. like one of my favorite spiritual movies, the truman show, where he finally discovers the truth of the cocoon he's living in, and there's a whole big fat greek and non-greek world outside it. why is this "smallness" a good thing for the world to know? because our lives were never meant to revolve around any one of us, or be so limited in their scope, so non-abundant in their scale. most of us dare to taste about a sliver of what the life experience was meant to offer. why? because once we construct our little demi-god castles and courtyards, our energy for outsiders conveniently runs out. wake up, self! wake up o diva, out of thy slumber, and the truth will set you free! truth which includes open arms, open mind, open heart, open spirit, open to expansion and explosion and examination and ultimately...exhilaration. yes my weird little world is a small one, and i must find ways to connect to the bigger picture, the true truth. otherwise i have nothing left in my days to look forward to except a doomed destiny of sliverhood. i have big big things going on in life, and yes they seem consuming and impossible. but let's vow now to think bigger, higher, wider, wiser. let's not be so full of ourselves that we only taste a sliver. my little wacko world desperately needs injections of the real uncocooned, blockbuster, exhilarating world. even in a maybe war state? especially then. even in a i'd rather commit suicide state? yes yes yes. even in a hopeless black failure mood? you better believe it. i am counting on it. my world is way too self-focused. i am not supergirl, i am not the messiah. i am a misfit who dares to aspire higher...and lower.

what's up y'all? your spirit? your blood pressure? your attitude? your weight? i am up like the Lord is up and i feel my life on the rise. gold star for you if you know from what source i just quoted. choose from these options: 1) you have everything--you are UP; 2) you have nothing--you are UP; 3) you have a combo plate--you are UP, 4) you have everything--you are DOWN; 5) you have nothing--you are DOWN; 6) you have a combo plate--you are DOWN; 7) you have everything--you are a combo plate; 8) you have nothing--you are a combo plate; 9) you have a combo plate--you are a combo plate. all of that was to make you think and reveal this oh-so-profound profundity about myself...i am number nine, my life is number nine, and if most of us were honest, we would admit to the number nine syndrome. as of this moment, the "have" and "are" pendulums have swung wildly to the downside, the place where stuff like this comes to your head---the sista in humble circumstances should take pride in her high position--that's a tina-paraphrase Scripture in James by the way. but in this winter of my discontent, it's a learning time, discovering what my faith in Christ is really all about, and what really really constitutes thriving in joy. "thriving" and "joy" are two words that get tossed around carelessly way too often. so far, as i put my life in the garage and bid the breeze adieu, here's what i'm slowly learning: UP is overrated, DOWN is underrated, the words "everything" and "nothing" have lost their power and meaning and have become warped and defined by shallow societal godlessness, and the true joy...drum roll please...the true joy of life comes from THE COMBO PLATE. Yes, folks, that's life, and more importantly, that's life in Christ, paradox and swirl. i'm grateful that to this party, God invites the tina girl...and all of us who are willing to re-investigate, re-invigorate, re-negotiate, and re-navigate our life together in Christ. i used the singular on purpose. because together we are one great big combo plate, in need of the same truth, the same joy, the same Savior. A mantra is mine at present is "grief is good". lots of loss needs lots of grief to heal us and prevent the total death of joy. guess what, my faith is changing AND staying the same, and the more i see myself and others and situations and this whole wide wacky weird wild world as the combo plates we all are...simply put, i THRIVE in JOY! happy number nine syndrome to us all, and i wish you a combo plate life that is truly thriving in joy.