yesterday i got pulled down into the dregs of emotional swampiness, bombarded with inner conversation such as:
you will always be doomed, so forget trying to excel.
you will never excel, so just lie back and be doomed.
you are nothing, nowhere, nobody.
you are hopelessly helpless and helplessly hopeless.
you'll never be anything but "fill-in-the-blank-with-any-and-all-negative-self-defeating-adjectives"
this emerged within me in the face of ALL the blossoming blessings i am increasingly inundated with from my interior and my exterior worlds. this sentiment slithered its way through like insects, worms, and weeds in a garden. and it just scared me a little.
i would like to reiterate for my own benefit and for the enrichment of the world at large:
anything that remotely resembles any of the above "black" statements is always, absolutely, unequivocally, 100%, LIES, LIES, LIES. the only response to such lies is the swift decisive application of TRUTH, TRUTH, TRUTH, and more TRUTH! so here goes:
my future, past, and present are all beautifully blanketed in amazing grace.
this grace empowers me to flourish and fly.
my life is overflowing with the beauty of my husband, daughter, best friend, family, other dear fellow strugglers i love dearly, and all the rainbow abundance that God lavishes on me continuously.
all moments of self-sabotage are nothing but verbal mirages, False Evidence Appearing Real, FEAR!
so what am i afraid of??? what are we all afraid of??? why, the very thing we need the most, that unfailingly sets every captive soul free...the truth. SABOTAGE equals MIRAGE. that's a little "bumpersticker-ish" but a worthwhile thing to remember and be healed by.
Monday, October 23, 2006
Thursday, October 12, 2006
hi blog world, a hearty welcome back to me! where have i been? oh, just living a little and dying a little every day, in big and small, good and bad ways. but i am pleased to report, mostly GOOD! yes fine folks, life is an even more exciting adventure than ever. new house, new music, new plans, new grace. i can't believe i honestly thought i had no option but to put myself out to pasture and hang around waiting to keel over. depression is such a deceiver, and deceit is so depressing!
all right, the KADOBRA update:
KA: Karen my bestest friend extraordinaire -- it's ok for me to get a little giddy when i think of this lady, because quite simply, she rocks! every day in every way, she's rocking with increasing, inspiring health. in fact, we're doing the des moines marathon this weekend--walking the little 5K path, but ya gotta start somewhere. anyway, time is a taker in some ways and a giver in others. i've been given an imponderable wealth of loyalty, grace, friendship, goofiness, fun, and companionship in this beautiful package of womanhood.
DO: Dove my dream daughter -- more giddiness to report when it comes to this exceptional human being. college has been an incredible garden for her identity to emerge, and i am being given waves of grace and fulfillment in every phone conversation, every visit to her own apartment eating her very own food sitting on her very own couch, every laugh and coffee run and especially, every reunion home when she gets to come.
BRA: Last but not least, "nothing you could say could tear me away from my guy!" Brandon Findlay has given me love beyond my dreams. We have worked, played, struggled, strangled, bungled, behaved, misbehaved, laughed, cried, sang, ran around, and sat still with each other for almost two mind-blowing years now. God has given us a truly astounding partnership, and we are riding high and proud, not into the sunset, but into a thousand sunrises.
Time is a taker and time is a giver. it's real easy to dwell on what she takes, but i'm enjoying the new reflections of what she is giving me in this era of my life, gently increasing grace and peace, clearer perceptions of love and truth, the ability to say i am okay just as i am, and life is good just as it is; and the desire to kick my inner stagnancy to the curb every day. all my heart keeps saying is: thanks be to God!
all right, the KADOBRA update:
KA: Karen my bestest friend extraordinaire -- it's ok for me to get a little giddy when i think of this lady, because quite simply, she rocks! every day in every way, she's rocking with increasing, inspiring health. in fact, we're doing the des moines marathon this weekend--walking the little 5K path, but ya gotta start somewhere. anyway, time is a taker in some ways and a giver in others. i've been given an imponderable wealth of loyalty, grace, friendship, goofiness, fun, and companionship in this beautiful package of womanhood.
DO: Dove my dream daughter -- more giddiness to report when it comes to this exceptional human being. college has been an incredible garden for her identity to emerge, and i am being given waves of grace and fulfillment in every phone conversation, every visit to her own apartment eating her very own food sitting on her very own couch, every laugh and coffee run and especially, every reunion home when she gets to come.
BRA: Last but not least, "nothing you could say could tear me away from my guy!" Brandon Findlay has given me love beyond my dreams. We have worked, played, struggled, strangled, bungled, behaved, misbehaved, laughed, cried, sang, ran around, and sat still with each other for almost two mind-blowing years now. God has given us a truly astounding partnership, and we are riding high and proud, not into the sunset, but into a thousand sunrises.
Time is a taker and time is a giver. it's real easy to dwell on what she takes, but i'm enjoying the new reflections of what she is giving me in this era of my life, gently increasing grace and peace, clearer perceptions of love and truth, the ability to say i am okay just as i am, and life is good just as it is; and the desire to kick my inner stagnancy to the curb every day. all my heart keeps saying is: thanks be to God!
Friday, January 20, 2006
freaky friday, and saturday, and sunday, etc.
i've been in a freaky funk the past few days, and i told my husband that it was some combination of emotions, hormones, and spiritual warfare. boy did i ever get that right. let's break it down:
emotions: rollercoaster rhythm and feather strength. now that's a recipe for soul success, NOT! note to self--must settle down, must stay focused, must serve others. the Bible says it best as usual -- true religion is taking care of widows and orphans and keeping oneself undefiled from the world--thank you, o book of james. notice how that highlights two extremes--worshipping God which keeps us undefiled as we focus on him continually, AND serving others since there are a plethora of needs in our own backyard at all times which are simple and addressable by us if only we would open up our eyes, ears, and hearts. but guess what? my emotions aren't usually free to thrive joyfully in these true religion extremes, why? because they are caught up in this vast middle ground of unreligious, self-absorbed mucky-muck.
hormones: just saw "the matrix" again with my adorable husband the other night. it reminded me of what a matrix we are all caught up in regarding our bodies and lifestyles. the Bible says it best as usual -- the love of money is the root of all evil. so what does this have to do with hormones? everything! that is, everything we eat, drink, breathe, buy, read, touch; and ultimately everything we worship instead of God himself. i am sitting here typing while guzzling a jumbo cola (which could have been used to successfully unclog my drain or clean up several automotive parts) , and white flour fried fast food satan snacks. no wonder my hormones are wacko. my body/mind/soul intake is inundated with unreligious, self-absorbed mucky-muck.
spiritual warfare: there is a supernatural arsenal God is waiting to unleash within us all. i know it because in the micro-seconds that i actually tune into this reality, i feel the slivers of victory, i glimpse the snapshots of vitality and velocity and vim and vigor and verve! viva la V words! if you've been paying attention, you know what i'm going to say next...the Bible says it best as usual -- we war not against flesh and blood, but against principalities and powers...beyond what any of us are ever awake enough to be aware of. i have to stay out of the ditch of unreligious self-absorbed mucky-muck, and fly in the sky with God and the winners! i have to fight the good fight, not lie down in a raggedy blanket of brokenness. i have to tap into the deeper dimensions of life, because that's where the truth will be found. not my truth, not your truth, but THE TRUTH, and nothing but THE TRUTH, so help us God.
are you in a freaky funk? if you are, you are not alone, and you are not without resource and remedy. guess what, you ARE the resource and remedy...THE TRUTH surging through you as you make every big and small choice you need to make for your emotions, your hormones, and your spiritual warfare.
i've been in a freaky funk the past few days, and i told my husband that it was some combination of emotions, hormones, and spiritual warfare. boy did i ever get that right. let's break it down:
emotions: rollercoaster rhythm and feather strength. now that's a recipe for soul success, NOT! note to self--must settle down, must stay focused, must serve others. the Bible says it best as usual -- true religion is taking care of widows and orphans and keeping oneself undefiled from the world--thank you, o book of james. notice how that highlights two extremes--worshipping God which keeps us undefiled as we focus on him continually, AND serving others since there are a plethora of needs in our own backyard at all times which are simple and addressable by us if only we would open up our eyes, ears, and hearts. but guess what? my emotions aren't usually free to thrive joyfully in these true religion extremes, why? because they are caught up in this vast middle ground of unreligious, self-absorbed mucky-muck.
hormones: just saw "the matrix" again with my adorable husband the other night. it reminded me of what a matrix we are all caught up in regarding our bodies and lifestyles. the Bible says it best as usual -- the love of money is the root of all evil. so what does this have to do with hormones? everything! that is, everything we eat, drink, breathe, buy, read, touch; and ultimately everything we worship instead of God himself. i am sitting here typing while guzzling a jumbo cola (which could have been used to successfully unclog my drain or clean up several automotive parts) , and white flour fried fast food satan snacks. no wonder my hormones are wacko. my body/mind/soul intake is inundated with unreligious, self-absorbed mucky-muck.
spiritual warfare: there is a supernatural arsenal God is waiting to unleash within us all. i know it because in the micro-seconds that i actually tune into this reality, i feel the slivers of victory, i glimpse the snapshots of vitality and velocity and vim and vigor and verve! viva la V words! if you've been paying attention, you know what i'm going to say next...the Bible says it best as usual -- we war not against flesh and blood, but against principalities and powers...beyond what any of us are ever awake enough to be aware of. i have to stay out of the ditch of unreligious self-absorbed mucky-muck, and fly in the sky with God and the winners! i have to fight the good fight, not lie down in a raggedy blanket of brokenness. i have to tap into the deeper dimensions of life, because that's where the truth will be found. not my truth, not your truth, but THE TRUTH, and nothing but THE TRUTH, so help us God.
are you in a freaky funk? if you are, you are not alone, and you are not without resource and remedy. guess what, you ARE the resource and remedy...THE TRUTH surging through you as you make every big and small choice you need to make for your emotions, your hormones, and your spiritual warfare.
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