welcome to my first blog as a married woman. that still sounds frightfully yet delightfully alien. i love this new development in my life. i love the twists and turns that destiny takes that you could never ever see coming in your wildest imaginings. i love the compassionately compelling man i call "mister velvet steel" named brandon findlay. brandon is, as my friend jeanne would say, "beyond beyond". he truly makes me feel "like a natural woman". our relationship is a miracle, our courtship was a miracle, and we give all glory to God for every moment of the sacred magic we've been so blessed to experience.

now having said all that, i must be honest and say guess what? happily ever after-ville has a few chinks in its hyped-up embellished armor. it's a huger-huge bucket of ice, not just water but wounding bits of crystal reality, heaped upon my too-tender head daily. how come i never knew before how utterly childish and selfish i can be? how come i never realized how sedated i had become to the vitality and viscera of life? how come i let myself get so settled and hardened like an old dusty sculpture ready for the cast-off shelf at some spiritual garage sale? a Batman word comes to my mind right now--ZOWIE! that's the only way i can describe this feeling of a liquifying blast of heat, light, passion, adrenalin, and overpowering love; instantly rescuing me from the stoney stillness of i-give-up, and immediately transporting me into a state of supple organic hopefulness that i thought was gone forever from the tina-existence.

td jakes said that sometimes our miracle eras overlap our mistake eras. that's the way it is with me now. the miracles of new passion do not suddenly cancel out the mistakes of old poop. so that's another facet of what i'm dealing with right now. and i am doing my best to worship through it all daily and "faith forward"--faith as a verb. my extraordinary new spouse is an outstanding support, drying my tears when needed, kicking me in the patootie when needed, singing otis redding to me when needed, just smiling at me when needed.

i hope i don't turn into one of these annoying lovey-dovey married types i've always despised. but i do want to be a model for all the best things that marriage can be. God has blessed us with something rare and precious, to be treasured and shared. just when i thought grace couldn't get any more amazing...ZOWIE!