love is hard. truth is hard. selfishness and lies are easy. no, i guess they're kinda hard, too. gee, if we're looking for easy lives with ripple-less homogenous mediocre cocooning, we need to think again. every instant of existence has the power to heal with love and truth, or harm with selfishness and lies. i am finding this out in bigger ways than ever before as an enormous magnifying glass called love gently yet urgently descends upon me. it sucks to discover the presence of absurdly foolish bizarre mental spiritual and emotional atrocity in my soul (AKA gunk!). this gunk has clogged up the flow of love in my life for way way way too long, love for myself, love for my daughter, love for my best friend, love for other friends, love for family, love for strangers, love for God---whose kindness and grace to me are an everpresent reminder that his sustaining, soothing force throughout my entire 39 years of life is far more than just Good Orderly Direction. but back to love and the gunk. now the gunk is clogging up an amazing new love experience in my life and it is hard. it's terrifying to see love and truth being poured like Drano down my soul drain. sick parts of me have actually enjoyed the stopped-up state. but each day i face the choice of two difficult paths, the lie path or the love path. the love path is terrifyingly transformational. the lie path is too. in my life it already has been, in ways that have stolen, killed, and destroyed my joy and freedom for way way way too long. so today i choose the love path, the journey of precious pain that is slowly reclaiming, reviving, and renewing this girl, through daily de-programming and de-clogging. love and truth are hard, but i'll be damned if i allow gunk to ruin what is meant to be an utterly amazing experience. so bring on the Drano, i am rising up and moving on to true love and lovely truth.